Coming out in Quebec: interview with sexologist Camille Lavoie

Why this interview

Coming out — the process by which a person names and shares their sexual orientation or gender identity with their loved ones — remains, in 2026, one of the most decisive and emotionally charged steps in the LGBTQ+ journey. Although legality has been achieved in Quebec for several decades, the transition from silence to voice remains an intimate, sometimes difficult act that depends on each person's family, professional, religious, and geographical context.

To clarify what this process entails today and provide concrete references for those preparing for it, we met with Dr. Camille Lavoie, a clinical sexologist in private practice in Montreal specializing in supporting LGBTQ+ individuals and their families. Editorial note: this is an editorial portrait, meaning a character created for this article based on the state of clinical practice and current professional guidelines. The advice given does not replace individual follow-up.

The interview

Sophie :

How would you define coming out today?

Camille :

Coming out, in my clinical practice, I define it as a process, rather than a single event. It is the approach by which a person aligns their inner life — what they feel, what they desire, what they are — with what they show to the outside. The English word that is sometimes translated as coming out of the closet is misleading: there is rarely just one door, and there is rarely just one moment.

Specifically, a person comes out first to themselves, sometimes for months or years. Then to a small circle of trust: a close friend, a brother or sister, sometimes a therapist. Then to the extended family, in the professional environment, to the communities they belong to. Each of these moments is a coming out in itself.

This procedural definition has an important practical consequence. Many people I meet think they have "messed up their coming out" because the first announcement did not go as they imagined. However, it is never a definitive failure. The Quebec LGBT movement itself, whose major milestones can be found in this historical interview with a researcher in gender studies, shows that visibility is always a conquest achieved in stages, never an instant gain.

Sophie : Is there a « right » age to come out?

Camille :

There is no ideal age, and this is an important response to give right away because many people experience internal or external pressure on this point. Some people come out at thirteen, others at sixty. Both trajectories are valid.

That said, I clearly distinguish two contexts in my clinical work. For young minors living with their parents, I always recommend assessing material and emotional safety first. If a young person is financially dependent on their parents and anticipates a hostile reaction that could leave them homeless or cut off from their resources, waiting is a legitimate protective strategy. It is not a lie; it is a prioritization.

For adults, the question is different: it is more about understanding why the coming out did not happen earlier and what one seeks to name by doing it now. Many people I see after 40 have long internalized family, religious, or cultural injunctions. Coming out is then an act of personal coherence rather than a social revolution.

Sophie : How does one concretely prepare for coming out to their close family?

Camille :

I propose a four-step process in consultation. The first is inner clarity. Before speaking to others, one must know what they are saying and what they are not saying. Am I gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual? Trans, non-binary? Am I naming a stable identity or an ongoing questioning? Both are legitimate, but they are not announced in the same way.

The second step is the evaluation of the context. I systematically ask: who is this person you are going to talk to? What is their personal story? Have they ever had homophobic or transphobic words or behaviors? Do they have a friend or colleague who is LGBTQ+ that they care about? This evaluation helps to anticipate realistic scenarios.

The third step is the safety net. Before the announcement, I invite my patients to ensure that they have at least one trusted person already informed and reachable, a place to sleep if needed, and the number of a helpline. The fourth is the moment itself: choose a calm setting, avoid family meals with alcohol, formulate clearly and briefly, and accept that the reception may not be immediate.

Sophie : What to do when the family's reaction is difficult, even hostile?

Camille :

It’s a situation I often encounter in consultation, and I want to emphasize one point: a difficult initial reaction is not necessarily a definitive rejection. Many parents go through a phase of shock, sadness, sometimes anger, which has little to do with what they will think six months or two years later. This adaptation phase is documented in the clinical literature: it sometimes resembles a grieving process for the representation they had built of their child.

That said, it is important to distinguish this normal phase from an established rejection. Established rejection is: verbal or physical violence, being thrown out, financial cut-off, requests for conversion therapy (which has been illegal in Quebec since 2020), coercive religious pressure. In these situations, my first guideline is protective: to safeguard one's physical and psychological safety, even if that means a temporary or permanent distance from the family.

Many of the people I support need external resources to get through these times. For acute psychological distress, which is very common after a poorly received coming out, I refer them to specialized resources on depression among young LGBT, which clearly outline the issues of care. And I work in parallel, sometimes for two or three years, to rebuild self-esteem when the rejection has been brutal.

Sophie : And coming out in the workplace in Quebec: what reflexes to adopt?

Camille :

The Quebec context is legally protective. The Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation since 1977 and on gender identity since 2016. On paper, an employer cannot fire you, demote you, or harass you because of your LGBTQ+ identity. In practice, things are more nuanced: discrimination can manifest in subtle ways — being sidelined, repeated jokes, opportunities slipping away.

My first reflex in consultation is to ask: is your professional coming out useful for you? The answer is often yes, because living a hidden part of oneself in the workplace is exhausting. But sometimes the answer is: not right now, not in this team, not before the end of my probation period. And that is a legitimate choice.

I also remind you that Quebec has concrete tools in case of problems. The Commission des droits de la personne receives complaints of discrimination. Several unions have LGBT committees. The specific issues of homophobia in the workplace in Quebec are now better documented than they were twenty years ago, which helps those affected to name what they are experiencing.

Sophie : Are there any specificities of coming out in the regions compared to Montreal?

Camille :

Yes, and I want to say it clearly because the dominant discourse in Quebec tends to consider that everything is settled. The reality from my office is more contrasted. Forty percent of LGBTQ+ people in Quebec live outside of Montreal, and their coming out journeys are often more complex: less community visibility, more social proximity, more pressure from what others will say.

Specifically, I see in teleconsultation young adults from Saguenay, Abitibi, and Gaspé who describe to me a very different experience from a young adult from Plateau-Mont-Royal. Coming out in the regions often involves managing an unchosen visibility: everyone knows each other, information circulates quickly, anonymity does not exist. This can be an asset or an obstacle, depending on the local climate.

My recommendation for people coming out in the region: do not isolate yourself. The LGBT community centers in Quebec exist beyond Montreal, and many organizations have developed online services since 2020 to reach people distanced from major centers. Teleconsultation has also significantly expanded access to specialized support. For those seeking a structured institutional starting point in the region, platforms like Soleica offer an entry point to generalist Quebec services that can guide you to local LGBTQ+ resources.

Sophie : And in religious or immigrant communities, what nuances?

Camille :

It is a field where I work with a lot of caution and a lot of respect. LGBTQ+ individuals from strongly religious families — practicing Catholics, evangelicals, Orthodox Jews, Muslims, Hindus — or from recent immigrant families often experience a deep tension between their emotional identity and their cultural or spiritual belonging. Reducing this tension to a choice to be made would be simplistic and, from a clinical perspective, counterproductive.

What I observe is that the vast majority of these individuals do not want to give up their faith or their culture, nor do they want to give up their LGBTQ+ identity. They are seeking a way to articulate this. This sometimes involves inclusive religious communities that exist in Quebec across various traditions. It sometimes involves a different or partial coming out: the mother knows, the father does not, and neither does the community. It is not ideal, but it is a livable compromise.

I also refer to specific organizations: Helem for the Arab-speaking LGBTQ+ community, Arc-en-ciel d'Afrique for Black LGBTQ+ individuals, the 2-Spirit Network for Indigenous people. These organizations are often better positioned than a white French-speaking sexologist to support certain cultural specificities, and I acknowledge this without difficulty.

Sophie : How to support a loved one who is coming out (parent, friend, brother, or sister)?

Camille :

This is a question that parents often ask me when they make an appointment after their child's coming out, and I find it essential. Three key points that I systematically convey.

First, the initial reaction matters a lot, even if it can be corrected later. The first sentence a parent utters after a coming out remains etched in their child's memory for decades. If you're not sure about what you're feeling, it's better to say “thank you for telling me, I need a little time to respond properly” than to react impulsively with something hurtful.

Secondly, avoid two common pitfalls: denial (“you are too young to know,” “it's just a phase”) and narcissistic recovery (“what did I miss?” “what will people think of me?”). These two reflexes, even if well-intentioned, redirect the conversation back to oneself and invalidate the other. Thirdly, educate yourself and seek help: there are parent groups for LGBTQ+ individuals in Quebec, and many testify that attending has transformed their journey. For blended or reconstituted families, the issues of homoparental families in Quebec also provide useful references.

Sophie : What concrete support resources are available in Quebec to navigate a difficult coming out?

Camille :

Several levels of resources exist, and I always present them during consultations because many people are not aware of them. For immediate distress, there is Tel-jeunes (1 800 263-2266) for those under 20, and the Interligne line (1 888 505-1010), specifically LGBTQ+, open to all ages. These lines are free, confidential, and trained in LGBTQ+ issues.

For regular support, CLSCs have trained workers, although the quality varies by territory. Several community organizations offer free or low-cost psychosocial follow-ups: Projet 10 for youth, the Centre de solidarité lesbienne, and ATQ for trans individuals. For specialized psychotherapy support, I recommend explicitly asking for an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist or one trained in sexual and gender identity issues.

Finally, I would like to point out that there is a very structured LGBTQ+ community network in Quebec, of which the directory of LGBT associations and coalitions in Quebec provides a recent overview. Many people I see in consultation discover the existence of this network and subsequently find social support that usefully complements therapeutic work.

Sophie :

A message for young people who are hesitant in 2026?

Camille :

Three things I want to tell them. First, your pace is the right one. Don't let yourself be rushed by social media, by well-meaning friends, or by an idealized notion of a happy and immediate coming out. Coming out is your journey, and no one knows better than you when and how to undertake it.

Secondly, you are not alone, even though isolation can be overwhelming. In Quebec in 2026, there are dozens of organizations, hundreds of trained professionals, and thousands of young LGBTQ+ adults who have gone through what you are experiencing. Seeking out a first resource, even a modest one — an anonymous call, a visit to a community center, a conversation with a therapist — often completely changes the perspective.

Thirdly, there is a life after coming out, and it is almost always lighter than the life before. My patients often describe a similar sensation: the weight that lifts. Not right away, not for everyone, not without difficulties. But in the medium term, living in coherence with who you are is a deep relief. It is worth the work it takes to get there.

Quick questions: common misconceptions

Conclusion: 3 key takeaways

1. Coming out is an ongoing process, not a one-time event: we do it again in every new social circle, and that's normal.
2. Preparing for one's coming out involves four stages: inner clarity, context evaluation, material safety net, and choosing an appropriate setting for the announcement.
3. An initial difficult reaction is not a rejection: the parental adjustment phase, distinct from outright rejection, often lasts from a few weeks to a few months.
4. Quebec has a well-developed network of free resources: Interligne, Tel-jeunes, community organizations, CLSCs, and a regional associative network accessible including through teleconsultation.
5. For the young people who are hesitating in 2026: your pace is the right one, you are not alone, and life after coming out is almost always lighter than life before.